Distance makes the heart grow fonder?

Moving over to the other side of the world has made me think about the age old saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder”, but how much distance and time does the heart need until it feels the reverse effect of fondness? In fact dread, burdening and hostility becomes you.

How much distance is there required for the heart to pine? And at what point does the distance become a hindrance? In my experience a 3 week “I’m exploring the world” vacation away from your one and only, makes for peaks of passion, but when we are talking about LDR’s that is long distance relationships, how long is too long?

I started to enquire within and it seems that most if not all people I have spoken to which are trying to ‘make it work’ across the borders find many a fault to the relationship alla distancia.

The obvious lack of physical contact is not the only barrier that need be broken, time differences, season changes (and the advent of skimpier clothes for some), the jealousy and trust issues emerge, and most importantly, as much as you are part of their world, you are not. It seems that all these things cause for relationships to strain and paranoia to kick in. How do you battle through it? How do you make it feel relatively spontaneous, when skype dates are scheduled, plane tickets are bought months in advanced and holidays are planned like that of a surgical procedure. How does distance make the heart grow fonder?

I draw on my own experience here, having had the option between entering an LDR or calling it quits and salvaging the friendship, the logical solution to me instead of ‘seeing how it goes’ was the somewhat difficult yet most sensible solution of ending the relationship. Good memories remain, respect for the person is held and you value what you had together, as opposed to growing into a loathing Oceania schedule when you are clearly living in Europe. Of course circumstance always plays a part in decisions and in this case certain circumstances made it logical to avoid the LDR at all costs.

In my opinion distance can make the heart grow fonder to a certain extent, when you know that there is an end in sight, when there is a reunion somewhat around the corner and when you trust that a 3 week vacation isn’t code for ‘I am now single and will be incommunicado for the next few weeks.’

For me the dodging of an LDR and what I believe would have ended up in the reverse of fondness has been a blessing, the opportunities to connect with other people and avoid all the jealousy games and 21 questions of Who? What? Where? Why? And When? Has lead to peace of mind, an ex who I don’t loathe and a genuine experience in the here and now.

- Agi

The Toxic Man, an Exposé

Toxic men. Sigh. I have 7 words for you- Been there, done that, stole his T-shirt!

When you find yourself ensconced in the dating game, you’re bound to come across one or more of these toxic bachelors. Sadly, for me, it has been the case of ‘more’.

I’ve wasted many-a-Friday night dressed and eagerly waiting by the phone for his promised call & subsequent date. But he doesn’t call. He doesn’t even text. Where are my roses, WHERE IS MY DATE? And yet we still wait, wait, wait and WAIT for him….

Some might ask why we wait? Why we don’t delete his number, hide his Facebook posts, block his tweets and just be done with the vile creature? Well it’s simple; we are trapped in his charming, sexy web. Yes Ladies, we have fallen victim, to a Toxic man.

You know him all too well. He’s the guy who slips you his number on a post it; the guy who asks you on that coffee date that never ever eventuates, the guy who takes you to bed on the first date, or the worst type of all – the guy who promises you a home cooked meal, but instead serves you a plate of Coles pasta salad.

Don’t be fooled by those sweet nothings he whispers in your ear, because they are just that, NOTHING. These men promise you the world, make you fall in love with them (usually thanks to their fast wit, sexy looks and irresistible charm), and then vanish into thin air before you can say, “but I thought you loved me!”

Sexy looks and irresistible charm aside, why do women fall for the toxic man? Despite his broken promises, cancelled dates, and Coles pasta salad the appeal is obvious; he’s charming and he knows it. He knows all the right moves and exactly what women want to hear. Of course he does, he's dated and sexed half the city.

A toxic man is like a seemingly good investment on the stock market. If he is too good to be true, he often is. Learn to identify one from afar, and try not to get to get burnt, because trust me when I say, they're not easy to get over.

-Rhea